The best couple?

I believe I spoke a while back that I felt that my friends Clark and Bulstrode were a good couple, and a bit of other stuff about how inspirational Clark was.  Turns out they've now been split up for at least a month but they kept quiet about it not wanting to cause a scene, a decision I commend, had I seen an announcement on facebook that each of them was single I would have immediately gone into a stream of 'what the hell, what, why, how, when, who?' (They split up, people's feelings had changed, no idea, A month ago, Bulstrode). My actual reaction was to say 'you did what?', then  spend a couple of minutes working things out in my head, and ask a little bit of why? They're still friends and things are going to be alright it seems but it saddens me that this most perfect couple in my mind could split up.

I'm now going to share something with you that I have never told a living soul (at least with names mentioned, and the person I told doesn't know her), or for that matter a dead one. I like Bulstrode. Not a huge amount at the moment but I've had somewhat subdued feelings for her for about 2 years now, even if my primary focus has been on someone else, or no one in paticular. Poppy is still the primary object of my affections but that won't last, at least until I see her again, and Bulstrode is the most realistic possibility as I don't know any of the girls who sit in the corner I sit in at school (I think they're all year 12s) excapt Marie, who isn't and is in a long distance relationship which has lasted.

My sole concern aside from the obvious fact that I don't stand a chance in hell is the fact that Clark is my friend and I'm concerned about how he'd feel about all this.

First Day

Only had the first two lessons, seem to be free till maths is sorted out. Marie, Lion, Bailey and Marsh are still here as well as no-eyes, and I saw dawson on the way home as well.

Update

I'm ok for school, heres hoping for a good year

Results

She said no.




I could just end things there but the fact is if I'd asked a question I would have been stupid for bothering, I've known that forever. I've done it multiple times already, those do make me an idiot. Poppy, who I am currently still in love with, pointed out something just in relation to our friendship, but it's useful to think about in a broader sense of the world. I typically when I mett a girl I like speak to her on Facebook for a week or two then either chicken out or lose interest, I've seen it multiple times, Opal, Hazel, possibly Marie, Nicole and yes, Poppy, but I don't care anymore.


I'd like to say that but it hurts, liking someone knowing you don't stand a chance in hell with them. I would probably be happier just never to like another girl aain, but I know that won't happen. In a few cases with girls I've liked (well 2) coming out has helped me realise they weren't as nice as I thought they were, and I'm greatful for those, appearance is important, but if there not nice people it's worthless, but a lot of them are nice enough people and thats where the problems come in for me. Ok Nicole has a boyfriend, possibly, I'm slightly unconvinced he exists but he has a facebook page. Then again I knew her for 3 hours so not musch of a loss, conversely she is one of the few people I've been comfortable with almost instantly, seriously I spent more time dancing on the stage with her than with Zeus and Pauline, who I'd known for months. There was that Jack guy too, he was cool. Hazel I never actually really started speaking to after I left the place we met, and I kind of doubt she remembers me, though I've just sent her a skype message ensuring she is the girl I know. Marie I spent weeks chatting to when I realised I might like her, but the moment I learnt about MacFarlane I gave up any real hope, I offered to spend some time with her in town and she agreed but she got ill. I talk to her from time to time but I don't like her that way anymore. I do need to be better friends with her though. And so I come to my one aspiration with Poppy, the same.

Ok thats a lie,I mean achievable aspiration.

Back

Well I'm back from Knock, had a great time again and seriously looking forward to next year. Fortunately neither Jim nor Amelia (I think those are the names I gave them) came so no awkwardness between them, though Anne and Kris were both there, but I don't think they spoke much. Kris is now however going out with Rosie, the daughter of one of the leaders (the one I know best) I hope it lasts longer than Kris and Anne.
 And of course, as you would all be wondering if anyone read this, Poppy was there as well and I'm not sure if anything was awkward between us or I was overblowing it in my head, she did say hi first night but I spent a bit of time avoiding her. I did have a tonne of oppurtunities I reckon, but I kept on being worried. I actually kept on resolving to talk to her but lost my nerve, and I hate myself for it. On wednesday I overheard something which I no doubt misheard which led me to almost talk to her, but I probably misheard. One thing which held me back was how close she seemed to Adam, a guy from her own town who I noticed she seemed close to when I first met him at the reunion last year, however now I think he just gets along well with the girls, I'm just paranoid probably. I eventually screwed up the nerve to write a note and leave it with her stuff, not asking her out as I'm certain I'll be rejected, just saying at the time of writing I have feelings for you. I'm pending any confirmation it was her who took the note, but I need to stop with messages as it just increases the fear. The last time I asked Poppy out it was by message and that was ok because I wasn't gonna see her anyway for a while, but Opal I was literally gonna see her the next day (frankly I'm glad she rejected me though). I'll tell you when she confirms or denies finding it, though I hope it was her.

Knock

I'm going back tomorrow after a year, hoping to see a good few people I remember from last year, see you on the flip side

Sleeping difficulties

So every now and then I will find myself unable to sleep when I want to. Some might think this to be good as it gives me some time with my thoughts, but my turn quickly to the stupid things, and quickly come to wanting to hit my self over the head with a heavy implement just knock myself unconscious. The worst case was probably jet lag at the age of 10 having come home from the states, I was up way longer than normal through no fault of my own, it was bad.